I recently had the pleasure of hosting my sister-in-law and her family for a few days last week. The great thing about being with moms that share the same core values is learning new things and ways of doing things in regards to raising children.
I witnessed one of the children doing something wrong to another and my sis-in-law quickly jumped in to have the offender say "I'm sorry" to the offended. But, what really struck me was that she also had the offended tell the offender "I forgive you." I thought that was beautiful. We can teach our children that not only is saying sorry for wrongs important, but that this an exchange and a two-way communication.
It really got me thinking about saying sorry and how we as adults don't really say it that often.
Our most important relationship is with God. In our bible study we're taught that when we sin, it's against God alone (Psalm 51:4) and that in order to get right with God and get back into fellowship we confess our sins (1John1:9) and move on. We are right with God and it doesn't matter whether or not while sinning we have hurt or offended another person. That's their problem.
I think that provides an important testing ground when you've been wronged by another person in some way and it is your job to forgive them. If you can't, then you are the one trapped sinning. Mentally, physically, or verbally. So the bible tells us -
Mark 11:25 Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions.
While the most important relationship in our lives is with God, we are placed on this earth with other people. I think that if you place value on your relationships with other people, after you are right with God, a person should evaluate whether or not it's worth it to somehow make amends. Do you need to to be spiritual? No. Is your relationship with God still good? Yes. But, maybe not your relationship with that person. I think it's possible for one person to admit their sins and move and another person to forgive, but for there to be a rift or scars from what happened. Maybe the closeness you had is gone
And we're commanded to lay down our lives for our one another (John 15:13). Is offering an apology not the least we can do to lay down our lives? We're also commanded not to be a stumbling block to others (Romans 14:13). If we know that something we did is causing someone to be angry and therefore sin, or if there is even the possibility that could happen, should we not just apologize and not knowingly allow others to stumble? In any case, it's ultimately up to the other person to forgive.
I think apologizing cultivates personal love. Does a marriage or friendship need personal love to last? No, in fact it's the impersonal love to keeps us together. But, maybe if personal love with another is imporant, you should apologize. Is my husband walking out of the room without saying sorry after doing something I perceived as wrong going to endear him to me? Hell no! I'll forgive him, we'll move on and still be together. But, he might get way more kisses and affection from me and faster with an apology.
Caveat - A person can't apologize if they don't know they've wronged you. And even if you talk to them about it, it might just have been your perception and the other person is totally in the right! In that case, get over it.
I think we're doing our kids a disservice if we don't teach them the importance of apologizing to others - especially when they grow up and get married. That's one relationship you can't just walk away from. Brothers and sisters will eventually grow up and move away if they dislike one another, friends you can take a break from by not calling or emailing, but you will be with your spouse in the same house for the rest of your life.
I could be totally wrong and I'm not a pastor, these are just my thoughts on the subject.
